Ethics Experiments 7-9

Ethics Experiment 7—Appearance (Due 11/4)
This week, you have the opportunity to do something which should be both easier than many of the other experiments (you deserve a break), and yet also perhaps more interesting than some of the other ones. This is truly a science experiment, although the duration of the experiment is not long enough to really get you statistically meaningful results. What I want you to do this week is to try making yourself look different than you ordinarily do so that you can see what (if any) effect your appearance has on the way other people treat you.

In America, we have a strong desire to act for the sake of comfort. This is nowhere more evident than in the way we dress. We also tend to think of our appearance as an expression of our individual values and identity. For many people, however, they do not realize the abundance of information which we communicate to other people simply in the way we appear to them. Whether or not it is proper to judge someone based on appearances, everyone knows that most people do in fact judge others on this basis

First, dress up for two days. Dress as you would for a job interview or a formal date. Men, wear a tie, long sleeve dress shirt, and slacks. I recommend business colors: blue or white shirt and red tie or at least one that does not contain any cartoon characters. Women, wear a business dress, suit, or blouse and formal length skirt, including appropriately professional accessories, hair style, makeup, shoes, etc.

Second, dress down for two days. For some of you, this may not be possible without some effort, but be creative. Dress more sloppy, dirty, or grungy than normal. Men, don’t shave, wear old jeans, wear a ratty hat (or don’t do your hair at all), etc. Women, don’t wear makeup, don’t do your hair, wear sweats, be totally comfortable as if you weren’t even leaving home. The basic idea here is to temporarily appear like someone who you might judge to be “better” than you socially for two days and then as someone who you might judge to be “worse” than you socially for two days. People may become very uncomfortable with you dressing so differently because they can’t pigeon-hole you as easily. Also, you may find it very uncomfortable to look like a different person than you believe you are.

Since I have only prescribed four of the seven days, use the remaining three days to try entirely different approaches. For men, this does not offer as much opportunity as for women simply because men don’t dress in as much variety as women. But if you can, and are willing, try doing something really different like dying your hair blue or wearing clothes that are way outside your normal comfort zone (gothic, punk, sexually provocative, puritanical, etc.) Use your creativity and pay attention to how other people treat you. If you want to just use the other three days to do more of the first two approaches, that’s fine, but I think you’ll have more fun if you try being radically different for at least one day. I also would recommend that you don’t tell people you’re doing this when they ask you why you’re dressed differently. Play it up like it’s just something you felt like doing, but this part is up to you.


Ethics Experiment 8—Radical Honesty (Due 11/11)
Some people have held the belief that honesty is at the core of everything morality addresses. I’m not sure I would go this far, but I would say that one of the key problems we have in our lives is an unwillingness and even inability to be truly honest with others. You will recall from experiment 5 that it was relatively easy to act nice toward other people but much more difficult to think nice toward them. Although you have probably never thought about it this way, such a difference between your thoughts and your words is dishonest. You are specifically not telling those other people what you really think of them, which is a form of lying.

This week, I want you to practice being meticulously honest. When something bothers you, say so. When something is unpleasant, don’t let it go. If someone makes you mad, say, “You are making me angry.” If someone hurts your feelings, tell him so. The easiest way to do this is to always describe things in terms of yourself. Instead of saying, “You’re being mean,” which is disputable, say, “I feel like you’re being mean,” or, “It hurts my feelings when you say that to me.” Allow yourself the freedom to really tell people what you are thinking, and watch yourself so that you don’t fudge with the accuracy of the things you say

Perhaps the most crucial aspect of this experiment is the requirement that if you have a problem with someone, you must discuss it with them directly. Gossip is the most common kind of unkindness, and complaining about people to others is the most common kind of dishonesty. For one week, don’t let yourself complain about another person unless you have already spoken to that person about the problem you have with him or her. I suspect that most of you will find this experiment extremely difficult because you have, like most Americans, developed great skill at concealing your true thoughts from others. This is best demonstrated by the American obsession with sarcasm. Try going an entire week without being sarcastic. If you don’t like something, say so openly.

In all of this, I want to remind you to use your common sense. Don’t mouth off to your boss and then come complaining to me if you get fired. There are times to be radically honest, and there are times to exercise restraint. There are also many times when we moderate our honesty with concern for the impact of our words on others for the sake of kindness. This is not a license to be stupid, but for one week, do as much as you can to be honest with those around you: teachers, co-workers, spouses, parents, friends, etc.

Ethics Experiment 9—Self-evaluation (Due 11/18)
There are three foci this week: motives, choices, and relationships. At the end of each day, I want you to take some time (the amount will vary but probably be at least ten to twenty minutes) to reflect on the day now that it is over. Look back at it and write down as many of the basic events as you can remember in a list. This includes your choices and your interactions with others. Then go back over that list and think about each one making notes on what you did well and what you did poorly.
For your choices, the key is to be totally honest with yourself about your motives. Why did you make the choice you did, and why did you want to make the other choice? Even if you chose to do what you think was right, what other impulses were operating in you? For instance, you might have been at dinner with your girlfriend when a cute girl walked by. You chose to ignore her. Your motives were perhaps to practice purity, perhaps a desire to honor your date, perhaps revulsion at your nascent lust for a stranger. But what if your girlfriend hadn’t been there? Did you want to look but restrained yourself? Had you been at dinner with guy friends, would you have done differently? If so, then you acted primarily on fear of being caught by her. That’s the kind of honest self-evaluation I want you to engage in. How did you feel when the beggar asked you for money? When the obnoxious kid in class asked a question? When the teacher with a lisp stumbled over a word? Everything that happens during the day engenders reactions, judgments, and emotions in you. Think about them and evaluate them honestly. Are these responses and choices ones you want to continue performing or want to change? If you want to change them, what do you propose doing differently?
For your interactions with others, do something similar. How did the interaction go? What kind of impact did it have on the other person? How do you feel about the event and the person? What seemed to work well, and what didn’t? Could you have done anything differently? Were you really paying attention to that person and what he was saying or what his needs were? Again, what kind of motives and thoughts were at work in you during the interaction? Do you feel guilty? Proud? Why? What lessons can you learn in general and in particular for that person? What alternative strategies might you try next time? The key here is to cultivate the habit of thinking beforehand about how what you say and what you do will impact the other person.
The last part will seem a little strange, but I think you’ll find it very useful. Having really evaluated the day and tried to squeeze as much knowledge out of it as possible, simply look back on it and try to get a sense of what that one day really represented to you. Try to imagine it as a painting or as an animal or as a feeling. If you had to describe the day just past in one word or short phrase, what would accurately describe it? I want you to name the day as if you were naming a pet or a child according to its character. Today I had a day. Use anything you like to describe it, so long as you feel you have really captured the essence of the day. If you told someone else what kind of day you had, they’d understand what you were talking about, even though they obviously wouldn’t know the details. How do you feel about having had that kind of day, now that it is done? Is it the kind of day you want to have again? Once you have done this for a few days, try giving a few moments to thinking about what kind of day you might like to have tomorrow. Then keep this in mind as you do things the next day and see if you pull it off or if you intended a Golden Retriever kind of day but wound up with a rather Picasso one instead.